Hate Is Safer Than Love
by I'm-Not-Your-Average-Monster
Summary: DEMILY or M/P Season 7, friendship piece with romantic undertones ;  Kinda angsty-really angsty lol Set between 7.01 & 7.02. Rating just precaution, swear words present. Please R&R! :D First DEMILY fic I've posted. Kinda nervous. /: Enjoy please!


_'Hey all! :D So this is my very first DEMILY or M/P fanfic that I've ever posted and I am SO nervous I may throw up lol :S kidding...kinda  
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_It is set between 7.01 & 7.02. I'm just trying to give a reason for why Derek's anger was basically gone by 7.03.  
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_So that is my attempt at Demily brilliance. I hope it doesn't suck terribly! :S  
>PLEASE review. I beg of you.<em>

_P.S...I have a couple more Demily fics in the works. Most are oneshots, one or two are not ;)**  
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><p><em><strong><span>Hate Is Safer Than Love<span>**_

She'd been back for two weeks now. Two very long, emotionally draining, mentally exhausting and actually painful weeks. Things with the team were in a way both better and worse than she'd anticipated.

As expected, Penelope was overjoyed by her resurrection. The initial hurt, shock and sting of betrayal had worn off the brightly colored and highly exuberant woman within the first week—_well_ within the first week, like _days_ to be precise, something Emily had been eternally grateful for. When she was with Penelope, she felt like she'd never been gone at all...that was, until she looked into the staggering woman's eyes. There the previously 'dead and buried' agent saw the still raw pain and fear that coursed through the beautiful blonde technical genius; pain of their cover-up and the grief that resulted and now the fear that Emily wasn't actually real.

Glancing to her left, Emily's eyes found her two blonde best friends at JJ's desk—the one that was once Morgan's—and smiled. Penelope turned to her and grinned widely which made Emily laugh. The girl could always cheer you up, no matter the mood. Penelope then went back to listening too JJ update her on Henry but her gaze would stray to her brunette best friend from time to time, something that didn't go unnoticed by Emily who sighed sadly. Sometimes when Penelope would look at her, the analyst would blink, just to make sure she was really seeing her and Prentiss had noticed how the woman always seemed to stand directly beside her, so close they were touching and on some occasions, Garcia would just take her hand for no apparent reason. The woman had actually moved herself into Emily's apartment for the first official-to-their-knowledge week she'd been home and Emily hadn't had the heart to make her leave and if she was honest, the brunette didn't really like the idea of being alone anymore. She hated it actually.

After years of living that way, of being good at living that way the concept of being alone now terrified Emily Prentiss because since that moment JJ had declared her dead she'd never been so utterly, and completely alone and isolated in her entire life and for six months it had eaten her alive. It was torture and if she never felt that way again in her lifetime it would be too soon.

Emily's eyes strayed towards the office of their fearless leader, who she could see through his window was hard at was as usual. Things with Hotch and JJ were a little...different. They weren't bad but it was almost awkward; between the three of them there was a lot of guilt. JJ and Hotch felt guilty for what they're decision had put Prentiss through and also what their secrecy had done to the team. Emily felt guilty for the guilt _they_ felt. All they'd done was save her life but now they were being punished for it. Despite that, JJ had been a shoulder to lean on throughout this whole process, and Emily hoped, she'd been returning the favour. Everything was a fucking mess and it was all her fault.

Her one saving grace was David Rossi, and Prentiss couldn't stop the grateful smile that turned her lips as she switched her gaze to said man's office. If it wasn't for that man, Emily was sure she'd have lost her mind. The only emotions she ever saw when she looked into his wise eyes were relief, happiness and understanding. Dave had come to terms with and accepted what they'd done almost immediately, in fact he'd suspected something was going on even before her return. He was damn good at his job. Thank god.

When she was with him, everything was the way it used to be except they had a new appreciation for the other's presence in their lives that they never had before. David Rossi was her rock.

Spencer Reid on the other hand...Emily heaved a weary sigh just thinking about him. He was _so_ angry. In fact she'd never seen the younger man so furious before. He wouldn't talk to her, hell he wouldn't even _look _at her and he was the same—worse even—with JJ. JJ he wouldn't even acknowledge; professionally or otherwise. Whenever she entered a room and he could, the genius would leave. It was breaking JJ's heart and Emily's heart ached for her best friend.

Chancing her luck, Emily sneaked a glance at Reid who was sat at his desk across from her; coffee cup in one hand, pen in the other. He was deep in thought, all concentration focused on the file before him. Emily's heart lurched and her eyes filled with sadness. She missed him, missed his long-winded ramblings, his endless knowledge of everything and anything and his incessant need to relay the most trivial facts with next to no reason. She wanted a statistic really badly. She just missed her friend.

Pushing up out of her seat, Emily lifted her empty coffee mug and wandered over to the small kitchenette. Her mind strayed to her partner or possibly her former partner? She had no idea anymore. Derek was just as bad as Reid but for some reason it hurt her _so_ much more. The way Morgan would look at her sometimes...with such disappointment and hurt...it would break her heart. She needed to talk to him, explain herself again but he wasn't giving her the chance. He clearly didn't want to hear anything she had to say but he needed to hear it.

Emily Prentiss had missed Derek Morgan so incredibly much while she was gone and the ache in her chest hadn't left her since she'd returned. She still missed him and it was killing her.

Swallowing hard, Emily cleared her throat of the emotion clogging it and made the mental decision that she'd _make _him listen before either one left the office that night and if she had to lock them in his office to do so then...so be it.

**~CM~**

It had been two weeks. Two weeks since she'd walked back into his life, turning it upside down once again. Two weeks since she wrapped her arms around him in the conference room—something he'd dreamed of probably an unhealthy number of times since her death—an embrace he had hesitantly returned through fear she'd disappear on him like she always seemed to do. But instead, his hand had rested upon her back and he heard her sigh of genuine relief, _felt _her hot breath on his neck as she did so and realised, with 100% certainty that she was really there and in his arms.

Two weeks. Two weeks and he had barely said a word to her since the day they'd survived the Senate Committee. Since then their exchanges had been brief and extremely professional most of the time, very awkward and even more uncomfortable plus the tension between them was off the charts. Everyone could feel it. Morgan knew it was mostly his fault, Prentiss was trying, she was trying _really _hard but he just wasn't ready to talk to her yet...about anything.

Unfortunately for him, time had officially ran out. Today they'd been placed back on active duty which meant it was only a matter of time before a new case came their way and he'd like to be able to _look_ at his old partner by then or he'd never get her back.

So today he was gonna suck it up and be a man. Of course he wasn't going to purposefully go looking for her and finally confront all the shit that lay unspoken and unresolved between them but if _she_ came looking for _him_, he wasn't gonna hide. Or avoid. Or deflect. Or make excuses and run away from her. No, today he was going to talk...

If she wanted too.

Shaking his head at himself, Derek heaved a heavy sigh. Everything had really gone to hell and he was really just sick of it. He wanted his friend back, wanted his partner back. He missed her. He missed her so much. Reaching down to the bottom drawer of his desk, right hand side, Morgan slowly turned the key in the small lock and then pulling it open his conflicted dark eyes found the two smiling faces in the frame below, his heart ached painfully in his chest.

It was a picture of him and Emily, taken at one of Penelope's annual 'Annual Team Dinners' the last one they'd shared together as a family before JJ had been reassigned and then Emily had died.

Emily's left arm was looped around his waist, her forehead resting against his jaw. She was wearing _his _favourite low rise, dark jeans—they made her ass look fantastic—and one of her favourite t-shirts; a blue one that read 'I heart Cupcakes' on the front, a heart-shaped cupcake in the centre. Emily really loved that top and every time she wore it, she'd buy herself a cupcake just to reinforce the t-shirts statement and that day had been no different.

It made him laugh at her cuteness every time she'd explain the reason why she loved the top so much. _"Whenever I wear it, I get to eat a cupcake." _She'd grin widely and shrug her shoulders in the most innocent way while pointing at the shirt with both thumbs. _"What's not to love?"_

Derek's right arm was thrown over her shoulders, pulling her against him, his left hand covering hers at his hip while Emily's free hand held onto the one of his that dangled limply at her chest. He was in red, Prentiss loved red and had told him on several occasions that she loved _him_ in red almost as much. After that Morgan made a point to wear that color shirt, t-shirt, top when they were together outside the office as much as possible. She'd always stare and he'd always tease.

Both of them were smiling widely at the camera and it warmed his aching heart a little, remembering how happy they'd all been back then. Everything was so different now.

Derek missed the two people in that photograph and he wanted to get them back. The first few weeks following her death he'd spend hours of the day in his office, staring at that photograph. It had hurt too much to have it sitting out on his desk so he'd locked it away in his drawer but always seemed to end up staring at her. It was ironic how he'd once told Penelope to stop staring at her picture on the wall of the fallen but he'd stare aimlessly at his own picture of her when he was alone. Made him a hypocrite but he didn't care. Penelope had never stopped staring at pictures of their friend anyway, not matter what anyone said to her.

Leaning back in his chair, Morgan brought the frame with him, scrubbing a hand down his face as he sighed. God, he's missed her _so_ much. Every day he would walk into the bullpen, expecting to see her lounging at her desk, conversing with Reid—probably teasing him—while seriously procrastinating on the mountain of paperwork that always seemed to clutter their desks but she was never there. The desk was always empty and Reid was always staring at it with tears in his eyes. Morgan always did it and every morning he was disappointed, every morning his heart shattered and he lost her all over again. It was agony. That was why he'd shifted focus solely on locating, hunting and killing Ian Doyle, while protecting the boy his best friend had risked her life to save. And he'd found Doyle eventually but unfortunately , Morgan hadn't taken the opportunity to snuff out the bastard's life like he'd done his best friend.

Derek brushed a thumb over Emily's smiling face, a sad smile ghosting his own. He hadn't been able to recall her smile without that picture and it just got more and more difficult as time passed. Whenever he closed his eyes to try the face he'd see was of her in pain, struggling for breath and whimpering on that cold, damp, concrete floor. Blood trickling from her nose and mouth, staining her pale skin. His large dark hands desperately clinging to her small, cuffed white ones as he begged and pleaded with her to hold on, to stay with him. Trying in vain to keep her earthbound by merely holding her hands, holding her there with him. Then as soon as he remembered that, he'd be assaulted by images of that fucking wooden stake protruding from her stomach and the blood that oozed out around it, bubbling, seeping into the wood. He distinctly remembered looking down at it and feeling relieved that it seemed to be acting as a sort of plug keeping the blood inside her body and then looking again seconds later to find the blood pouring _out_ of Emily's body, pooling beneath her on the concrete floor, coating his hands. It had surprised him, entranced him. He didn't think blood could leave a person's body so quickly until he'd witnessed it that day.

And then...the part that haunted him the most, that terrorized him in his dreams and then still when he awoke. That moment she'd opened her mouth and whispered her throaty, desperate, pleading last request, _"Let me go." _ Those three little words had shattered his world and torn out his heart. He just didn't understand it, didn't understand _why_ she would ask him that! Why she'd put that kind of guilt on him, that kind of decision on his conscience! Her reasoning was lost on him and that was why Derek was so furious with her! Everything else he understood, everything else he could accept but that...

Derek shook his head at the thought, the memory of her broken words, his left hand curling into a tight fist. That one request, those three words he would never understand, never accept and he honestly didn't believe he could ever forgive.

**~CM~**

Closing over the last consult file on his desk—he'd never gotten so much paperwork done in his life—Morgan tossed it into his outbox. It was well past nine at night, everyone had already gone home, even Hotch and Rossi, and to Morgan's relief, he had barely seen Prentiss all day.

Standing up and stretching his sore muscles, Morgan scooped his keys out of his top drawer and pulled his jacket from the back of his chair, he was just reaching for his desk lamp when there was a light knock on his office door.

Frowning in confusion, Derek called out, "Come in!"

The door opened a crack then stopped, the person on the other side apparently doubting their decision to enter, before it swung fully open to reveal Emily Prentiss standing in the doorway.

Morgan's chest instantly tightened at the sight of her, the air leaving his lungs but he kept his face hard and blank, "Prentiss." A small nod accompanied his stiff greeting, "Didn't think anyone else was still here."

Prentiss shrugged her shoulders, "Just you and me." She answered a little stiffly herself. Hesitating only briefly, Emily nodded to his desk, "Can we sit and talk?"

Morgan made to say 'no' but stopped, changing his mind with a sigh, "Sure, sit down."

Prentiss blew out a breath of relief and then turned to the door, closing it gently. Pausing for a second, Prentiss, closed her eyes and took a deep breath as she tried to calm her hammering heart. She had a sinking feeling this could get ugly and she was already really nervous.

Turning back to her partner who was now seated again, Prentiss made her way to one of the two chairs on the other side of his desk, sending him a small, uncertain smile as she took a seat.

Morgan tried to offer her a small smile in return, he could see how nervous and agitated she was just being there, alone with him and despite his anger, he didn't want one of his best friends to feel uncomfortable in his presence.

The two sat in silence for several, long and extremely uncomfortable minutes. Derek watching Emily and Emily watching Derek. The brunette agent had her hands clasped in her lap, elbows resting on the arms of the chair, her face was tight showing her nervousness but her eyes were soft and searching. She was just sitting there, staring at him.

Morgan's stance was a little more rigid as he sat up straight in his chair, hands clasped on his desk in front of him, his face was a carefully trained mask hiding all the thoughts and emotions swirling within him in that moment. He was just sitting there, staring back at her. The only difference was her stare was so unrelenting that it was wearing him down and making him increasingly agitated.

Rolling his shoulders, Derek's gaze darkened and he pointed out tersely, "You came to see _me_, Prentiss."

"I did." She answered calmly with a nod of her head but didn't elaborate.

Derek ground his teeth together, "Any particular reason for this visit?"

This time, Emily's gaze darkened and she fired back, "You know damn well why I'm here, Derek." Her voice was low and serious, she addressed him by his first name.

Again, Morgan waited for her elaboration that never came. Prentiss remained silent, just staring. It was pissing him off.

"What do you want, Prentiss?" Derek spat, his agitation now off the charts, "Are you just gonna sit there and stare at me all night? Cause if so then I'm goin' home."

Leaning forwards in her chair, Emily answered slowly and deliberately, "I am waiting, for you to yell at me."

That was unexpected.

Morgan's eyebrows rose abruptly, "You—you're..._what_?"

Prentiss shrugged, "That's obviously what you need to do." She decided casually, "You're angry and when _you're_ angry, Derek you stew, you beat up punch bags, knock down walls _anything_ possible to avoid the reason or the person that you're angry with until you're ready to confront them." She paused, nodded, "And then you yell."

Morgan stared at her, frowned deeply then began shaking his head, "I don't yell."

Prentiss merely arched a perfect brow and pursed her lips. Clearly she disagreed.

Still staring at her incredulous, Morgan couldn't help but laugh sharply.

Prentiss' lips quirked up into the smallest smirk then she ordered with another shrug, "So yell."

* * *

><p>Derek's gaze softened just a little when he stated, "I don't wanna yell at you, Prentiss."<p>

"Yes, you do." Emily insisted, her voice that annoyingly even calm that she perfected over the years, the kind of calm that gave nothing away, making it impossible to read her mood.

"No I don't." Derek continued to refuse, shaking his head, voice sharper than before as his right hand twitched.

But Emily wasn't backing down, "Yes, you do." Her persistence continued, "Bring on the yellin'."

"Damn it, I don't wanna yell at you!" Derek exclaimed, his voice rising as he clenched a fist.

Prentiss arched her eyebrows pointedly, sitting back in her chair. Morgan glared at her as he quelled his sudden burst of anger and unclenched his fist.

The two lapsed into silence again. More silence, more staring.

Growing impatient with her stubborn partner, Emily exhaled sharply with frustration, "My god, Derek!" she snapped with a glare of her own, "You know, it wasn't that long ago that you wouldn't stop hassling me, trying to get me to open up to you and now that I'm _here_, and I'm _willing_ to do just that..." she threw an arm in his direction, "...you clam up! I mean, god! Do you have to be _so_ stubborn _all_ the time!"

Morgan's eyebrows jumped up and he pointed to himself, "I'm stubborn? Emily, _your_ inability to admit when you need help got you killed!"

Emily's face darkened and she jumped forwards in her seat, "Oh that is not the reason I kept my mouth shut and you know it!" she growled, feeding off of his anger.

Derek scoffed, shaking his head, "I don't know much of _anything_ anymore." He admitted quietly, the previous anger gone in a flash. He dropped his gaze to his wooden table and fell silent.

Prentiss stared at him, a pained expression swallowing her face. Her mouth fell open several times but Emily couldn't find the words to respond until she shook her head and blurted out breathlessly, "I'm sorry."

Morgan's eyes cut to hers, indifferent. He knew she was sorry, she'd apologized a million times already but that wasn't what he wanted from her.

"I know you are." Derek assured her quietly.

"Then what more do you_ want_ from me, Derek?" Emily cried desperately, pressing both hands to her chest, "I've explained myself a dozen times, apologized even more I—I don't know what else I can do!"

"Tell me _why_?" Derek responded savagely, his anger returning tenfold, "I. Want. To. Know. _Why_?"

Prentiss stared for a moment, startled by his aggressive tone then she lifted her shoulders and sighed, shaking her head, "I wanted to tell you, I really did an—and if it had been _any_ other problem I promise you I would have but...I couldn't." Emily tried explaining herself for the hundredth time, "It was classified. I. Had. No. Choice."

Morgan tensed his jaw and shook his head sharply twice, "That...is not what I meant."

Prentiss face clouded with confusion and her shoulders fell, "I...I don't understand."

"In the warehouse—" His voice cracked a little and he promptly cleared it, rolling his shoulders before continuing, "Do you remember me findin' you? What we said to each other?" Derek sought, forcing his voice to remain even, his eyes never leaving her face.

Prentiss' eyes narrowed and she bit down on her bottom lip, "Um...yeah I—I think so." Emily replied uncertainly, "Bits and pieces."

Morgan's eyes flashed with pain then grew dark and guarded again before he elaborated, "Do you remember the last thing you said to me?"

Prentiss had to clench her teeth to bite her tongue when his cryptic crap began grating on her nerves, instead she took a breath and said, "Morgan, if you're trying to make a point then please just _make it_." She requested tensely, "Because in case you didn't notice I was a little preoccupied with fighting for my life, that night."

"Oh, I _noticed_!" Derek hissed, the word snapping through his teeth. He leaned forwards, "Believe me, Prentiss, I noticed!"

Emily snapped her eyes closed and sighed, "I-I'm sorry." She whispered, clenching her fist and kicking herself, "That was—"

Morgan swallowed hard as she shook her head. He'd never forget that image; her bleeding and gasping, eyes fluttering closed. How her breaths became shallow, and wheezing in the ambulance before they stopped completely, her hands going limp in his. Morgan swallowed again, trying to rid his throat of the large lump residing there and shook himself back to the present, "You asked me to let you go." He croaked thickly, emotion burning in his chest, making his throat tighten painfully as he choked on the hated words.

Emily's eyes shot open and instantly cut to his but he wasn't looking at her, he was looking down. With wide eyes and disbelief in her chest, she swallowed hard and stuttered, "W-what, _what_?" surely she hadn't heard him right.

Derek lifted his gaze, and Emily leaned back in surprise at the presence of moisture in his dark, tortured orbs.

"You—" emotion swallowed his words and he stubbornly cleared his throat. Drawing on his brewing anger, Derek inhaled deeply through his nose then repeated himself voice trembling with rage, "You asked me too; Let. You. Go."

* * *

><p>Emily's mouth fell open and her eyebrows hit her hairline, "N-no." She stammered, unwavering disbelief clouding her mind. Weakly clearing her throat, Emily refused further, "No, Derek...I, I would never—" and then she remembered.<p>

"_Mor-gan?"_

"_Hey. It's me, I'm right here."_

He'd taken her hands.

"_You're gonna be alright. Stay with me baby, _stay_ with me!"_

"_Let...me go."_

Emily's heart stopped in her chest and she couldn't breathe.

"_No! No, I am __not__ lettin' you go. HELP ME!"_

Emily let out an audible gasp of astonishment at her own actions, "Oh my god." She whispered, voice trembling as her chest heaved and her eyes stung. Slowly she looked up and met Derek's cold stare—his tears gone—with eyes full of her own. Prentiss just stared at her partner across the large wooden desk, with the most pained expression masking her features that Morgan had ever witnessed on her in all the years they'd known one another.

Scooting forwards so she had her hands on his desk, Emily shook her head helplessly, guilt crushing her chest, "I—" pressing her lips together to stop the trembling, the dark haired agents eyes closed briefly before sharply finding the guarded deep brown orbs studying her opposite. Emily's face crumbled, "Oh, Derek." She breathed, voice breaking at the end, "I am..._so_ sorry I asked that of you I—"

Prentiss inhaled sharply, cutting herself off and Morgan's heart tightened when he saw the tear slip down her porcelain cheek. It made him angry. He'd seen her really cry maybe twice, three times at the most and it hurt him every damn time. Emily Prentiss did not cry and yet...here she was. Crying, in his office, in front of him—_for_ him.

It broke his already damaged heart again.

Emily bent her head but bravely refused to wipe away her tears. He needed to see them, see the rawness of _her_ pain amidst his own. He needed to know she was sincere.

"I am _so_ _sorry_ I asked you to do that." Emily repeated, her voice a little less pathetic than before, "It was wrong of me."

"You're damn right it was wrong!" Derek confirmed in a growl as he shot up out his seat, "How _dare_ you put that on me! How dare you make that request when I'd just spent _days_ searchin' high and low for your ass!" his eyes were so dark they were practically black as he raised his voice to her; yelling but not quite shouting yet.

Prentiss merely sat there quietly and took it. Every verbal blow.

"I was tryin' to save you, Emily! _How_ could you ask me to fail you without even blinkin'?" his question was so desperate and his voice so pleading that Emily's eyes stung with new tears but as she looked up at him, towering over her and trembling with fury she felt herself shrink away in fear. She'd never been afraid of him before.

Rage bubbled in his chest as he glared down at her. Morgan had sobbed all this to her headstone in the cemetery about a month after her death. Sobbed so hard his ribs hurt, feeling nothing but guilt and grief and regret...but now that she was in front of him, all he felt was anger, pure unadulterated anger.

Slamming his palms down on his desk, Derek lifted his head to meet her gaze, "I thought you trusted me. I thought we trusted _each other_, I mean you were my partner. My partner, Emily for five fucking years! And you never told me, you never _came to me_!" Derek's eyes bore into hers with an intensity Emily had never experienced before, all she could do was stare back.

"I know you were protecting us and protecting, Declan I get that alright, but Emily..." Derek leaned closer to her, his face crushed, "...I would've helped you. If you had just _told me_—" he heaved a sigh, drowning out his next words before they left his mouth.

"Derek..." Emily reached out a shaking hand and hesitantly covered his that lay splayed on the dark wood, "...keep going." She encouraged with a watery smile. His words hurt—agony actually and they tore at her heart but she had to hear them and he deserved to tell her.

Morgan looked down at her hand over his for a second then wrenched his out from underneath. Prentiss inhaled like a hiss, as if it physically stung her, replacing her hand in her lap. Closing his eyes for a millisecond, Morgan tore around to the other side of the desk, right in front of her, and perched on the edge.

"I know you were ashamed." Derek informed her softly, his eyes gentle and kind suddenly, "You were ashamed of what you did with Doyle, how far you'd gone but that didn't matter to me."

Prentiss instantly appeared skeptical again and Morgan relented with a harsh exhale.

"Alright, maybe it did _at_ _first_ but it didn't change the fact that you were my partner and I woulda gone into hells fire with you, Emily." His voice held nothing but sincerity and truth, his eyes mirroring just that and she felt herself overcome with gratitude for the man before her and immense pride that she had him in her life.

"You shoulda told me, Emily." Derek repeated firmly, he locked his gaze with hers and asked, "Why couldn't you just let me all the way in?" his pointer and middle finger of his right hand pressing into her chest as he did so, "You were a best friend, a confidante and damn it, Em...you were one of the only people in this world that I trusted with all of me."

Emily grasped up the hand that was still pressed over her beating heart, squeezed it and simply replied, "I couldn't lose you, Derek. I just...I couldn't risk your life...it is worth _too_ much."

Morgan closed his eyes and responded with, "So is yours."

Prentiss looked away from him.

Swallowing hard, Derek rolled his shoulders and slid his hand from hers again, "I forgave you though." He assured her, the tone of his voice promising it to be true, "For all that, I forgave you. For keepin' me in the dark, for runnin' away, walkin' into his trap...I forgave it all, you're forgiven but..."

Emily looked up when he stopped, her heart filled with relief but her eyes full of disbelief, "But what, Derek?"

His eyes hardened again as he looked at her, "But I cannot forgive you _that_." His voice was a snarl and his arm twitched just with anger. Derek tilted his head to catch her eye more fully, "I cannot forgive what you asked of me that day, Emily I just...I don't understand it and I don't think I ever will."

* * *

><p>"I was tired of fighting." Emily's small voice spoke up in the quite.<p>

"What?" he asked harshly.

"I was tired of _fighting_." She repeated angrier herself, "I had spent weeks and weeks fearing Doyle, going on next to no sleep. Constantly looking over my shoulder—my nerves were _fried, _Derek." Emily's eyes grew wide as her voice jumped up an octave like she was reliving that fear, "I was terrified all of the time and I was _tired_! Tired of running, of-of hunting I just...I wanted to be done with it." Her voice began to tremble and so Morgan's anger began to dissipate.

Prentiss inhaled slow and deep, staring at the floor, "I...just wanted to be _free_." When she looked up again there were angry, desperate tears in her eyes, "Can't you understand that?"

Derek nodded, "I can but it doesn't change what you said. I wasn't ready to give up on you, Emily! I wasn't ready to _let you go_!" he spat out the words like poison, "I will never  be willing to do that, ever!" drawing in a shaky breath, Derek licked his lips, "I can understand it, Emily but I...I just don't think I'll ever be able to forgive you for it."

Silence encased the room then; a suffocating, penetrating, unbearable silence. It stabbed at them like knives as they gazed into the others broken orbs. The truth had been said, there was no going back yet somehow, despite the pain it was causing them, the two partners felt lighter. A weight had been lifted from their shoulders now that both had spoken the truth and heard it for themselves. This was where they needed to be to heal. This was where they needed to be.

Slowly and hesitantly, Morgan stood to his feet, his eyes never leaving Prentiss. There was just so much emotion flying between them it was a new-found level of intense. He's said almost all he had to say and now he had to leave. He needed space away, away from her. He needed to unwind...or sleep. He could really sleep. Moving around his desk, Morgan lifted his jacket and keys, switching off his desk lamp.

"I'll see you tomorrow, Prentiss." Was his parting for the night and with it he headed for his office door.

Prentiss watched Morgan stand, not once did his eyes leave hers. Everything between them was heightened to an almost burning degree. A new-found level of intense. She still had one more thing to say but didn't have the strength to say it to his face anymore, in case he exploded again. She was trembling so badly, her whole body shaking. She needed to relax, unwind...or sleep. Prentiss wanted to snort, yeah like she could sleep. Hadn't been able to do that in a long while. Tonight was different though, tonight she was drained; emotionally, physically, mentally. She had nothing left to give. Maybe tonight she would be able to sleep.

"I'll see you tomorrow, Prentiss."

His voice jolted her back and her head whipped around but then she turned back, staring straight ahead and called out, "I would do it again."

Morgan stopped dead, hand on the doorknob, mid-twist.

Swallowing past the exhausting, Emily repeated in a drone, "I'd do it again." Accompanied by a nod, "Given the chance I...I would do it exactly the same way."

Derek's grip stiffened around the handle, "Everythin'?"

Prentiss contemplated that and then shook her head, "Okay not everything. I mean, I wouldn't ask you to 'let me go' for one."

Morgan's eyes flew closed at those words. He would forever despise their existence. "That's nice to know."

"I bet." She chuckled. It was weak...and forced.

He chuckled with her. The tightness in their chests eased.

"The rest of it though..." Emily pushed on, hands gripping the arms of the chair, eyes still staring straight ahead, "...I wouldn't change. Even knowing now, how much you hate me...I'd still do it all over again because you are my partner...for five fucking years you were my partner and I trusted you, we trusted _each other_ ."

Derek's head dropped as she began quoting his words back at him, eyelids sliding closed.

"Because I was ashamed..." Emily began again, her jaw tense and voice tight with emotion, "...and because I knew you would have walked into hells fire with me." She chewed down on her lip and steadied her breathing, "I couldn't tell you and I couldn't let you all the way in—even though I desperately wanted too—and I couldn't do _that _because you were a best friend to me and a confidante and one of the only people in this world that I trusted with all of _me_."

Prentiss slowly turned to him then, gratefully that his back met her eyes, "I couldn't risk losing what I have with you, Derek. You—you've got people outside this team that rely on you and love you but this team is all I've got! I knew you'd be okay without me cause you have each other but..." Emily cleared her throat quickly, "...but god, Derek your _mother_ and your _sisters'_ they-they would not be okay without _you_ and I wasn't about to let them lose you for me, not for me." She shook her head firmly, "I did what I did because I love you."

Morgan's eyes widened.

"All of you." Emily added and his muscles relaxed slightly, "You are my family and I valued your lives over mine, that I will never apologize for and I will never regret..." her eyes filled with sadness and her heart throbbed, "...even if you hate me because of it."

Prentiss fell silent then and Morgan safely assumed that she was finished.

Turning around, he closed his eyes in relief when his gaze met her back. It would be easier this way.

"I _do_ hate you." Derek confirmed, rigidly, "I think a part of me's hated you since you said those three words to me in that warehouse and it-it's been festerin' and buildin' ever since."

Prentiss closed her eyes at his blunt confirmation. It had been her greatest fear, her greatest source of torture that had plagued her all this time. It was even more excruciating to hear than she'd imagined.

"I hated you because it was easier, safer than to face how much it just..._hurt_, Emily." Derek spoke up again, "I hated you because I missed you. I hated you because I love you and I hated you because I need you. I hated you because I hated myself."

Whipping around to face him at that last remark, Emily eyes cut to his, "Wha—Derek..."

Morgan held up one hand, effectively silencing her. A headshake and then he announced, "I don't hate you anymore, Em. I can't hate you but I need...I need time. We all need time."

The vice that had been previously constricting the hell out of her heart ceased and Emily actually felt herself smile, and laugh breathlessly with pure relief, "You don't hate me?" she sought in a tiny voice.

Morgan shook his head in the negative.

"Thank god!" Emily gasped, her eyes wide, "I don't—" her right hand flew to her chest, "I—the belief alone was breaking my heart." It sounded like she laughed but really it was a sob and she just tried to mask it. She failed.

He knew her too well not to hear it.

"Yeah..." Derek offered her a small smile, "...well, losin' you broke mine."

Prentiss' face fell again. Morgan's grew pained. They both became silent.

"We should head out."

Shooting to her feet, Emily smoothed out her skirt, "Yeah-yes." She cleared her throat, nodding, "We should go home."

Morgan jerked his head towards the door, "C'mon, I'll walk ya out."

Prentiss smiled widely again. Her smile made him smile.

"I'd like that." Emily accepted softly.

Derek smiled back, "Me too." Then he disappeared out the door.

Emily took a breath and followed. She just switched off his office light when his face flashed before her eyes and then she was being crushed to him. His strong arms wrapping tightly around her slender waist.

She would have gasped if the sheer force of his embrace hadn't knocked the wind out of her. It was so tight and desperate and engulfing, in complete contrast to the one they had shared upon her return. That one had been gentle and hesitant, delicate. She was afraid of rejection and he was afraid of delusion.

Derek pressed his right cheek to her soft hair and inhaled deeply, his arms so vice-like around her middle he was afraid he'd snap something but there was just _so _much emotion, they'd sucked one another dry.

Everything was out in the open, everything had been said aloud. Now...now they could finally begin to move past this.

Emily slid her arms across his back, fisting his shirt between her fingers and breathing him in. His solid chest pressed into hers and she tucked her head neatly under his chin. She felt safe in his arms, she hadn't felt safe in such a long time. She never wanted to leave this embrace. The tears fell and a lone sob tore through her throat, racking her frame.

Derek's hold on her constricted protectively. Emily pressed her face into his shirt.

They stayed that way for minutes, long, long minutes. Felt like hours before they reluctantly released one another.

Derek reached out and swiped away all evidence of her tears. His eyes were glistening. Emily's hair was damp like his shirt.

They smiled at one another. Laughed nervously together then they continued on their way out, stopping at her desk for her things and then they exited the building as partners again. They had a ways to go but at least the hard part was over.

* * *

><p>Yes, hate is safer than love but sometimes hate is just an emotion we use to hide the truth from our broken hearts.<p>

* * *

><p><em>'Well? :S Lol I am SO incredibly nervous about this cause I just <span>love<span> this couple so much! :|_

_Anyway just...PLEASE give me a review for this? I really need 'em here peeps._

_Thanks a million :D Hope you enjoyed ;) and remember DemilyForever&Always ;) hehe :P_

_Rachel xoxo  
><em>


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